I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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