we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
