then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
