she woke up with a sticky ear
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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