for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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