I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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