i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
