I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
