Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize