1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize