Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
