hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
