Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
