It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
