That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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