he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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