The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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