I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
