She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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