Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
wow bdsm is so cute
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