Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
