The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
