I wish you could order shots online.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize