I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
