eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
