i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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