Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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