you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
