i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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