I'm so fucking centered right now
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
