idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
