if only i could text you this smell
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Couch. On fire.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
