You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
