Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
