He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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