i permit you to call me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
