Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
