Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
