Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
