I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize