Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
