The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
