:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize