who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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