either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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