Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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