she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
