when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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