You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
