Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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