did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
