then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
