dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
