I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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