Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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