I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
