Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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