ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
