I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Acid is not a monday night drug
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize