how can u be prego again
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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