If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
