I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize