i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
