Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
