did you get engaged???
I heard we made out
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
