Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize