did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
