sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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