Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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