i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
