If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
