So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
