I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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