I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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