Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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