i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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