I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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