just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it's like heaven, but drunker
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
