He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
