am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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