I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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