I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pants are for mortals
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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