Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
