whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My first STD was from a foam party
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
