Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize