She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize