I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
