My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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