I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Barsexuality is the new black.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We're too hungover to prance.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
