If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize