sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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