just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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