Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we're making bets on your personal life
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
