I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
