Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
