this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
