i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
