I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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